Wind of Silence Without Anxiety

Luft
(German)
Vent
(French)

Both mean simply Air-or wind.

My new trial of being a Girlfriend to an amazing potential partner did seem to come to a mutual agreement of letting the natural space of sound intrude and embracing the background information. Why? Sometimes you just have to be able to get to sleep, or wind down, or settle in. Lower your anxiety without stirring the situation more.

“Shut up”, or “silence” or even “shhhhhh” are abrupt and generally tend to not be so kind. You really want to defer to being kind to someone you potentially see in long-term plans.

Why this approach?
She is a professional therapist. Not in the “doesn’t it drive you crazy that your girlfriend is always analyzing you?” sense. More to the sense of “There is some strong intellectual, spiritual, and emotional basis for trying harder and in a more effective manner than in either of our pasts.”

So basically, if you’d like a non-awkward silence but merely a breather or pause with your partner…
consider a mutual word of silence to invoke that applies to both of you.
You might enjoy the sound of the wind with each other.

Lexikat

Disclaimer: this person is not my therapist nor was my therapist. This technique may or may not be some professional tool or area of study by persons within the mental health career field.

Disclaimer: I am happy and she is too.

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Why A Gender Shift Can Feel A Bit Like Doctor Who

Who?
Doctor Who?

Doctor Who being the science fantasy television program on BBC for the last 50 years. The main protagonist simply known as “The Doctor” to the viewers. He has many adventures with various companions while traveling through time and space. He appears human, and has a very strong affinity to nurturing and protecting the human race. However, he is not human. He is Gallifreyan-a Time Lord. Their biology causes them to regenerate after a number of years, typically spawned by a sustained injury.There has at least been speculation that these regenerations can involve a gender change, but usually is a completely different looking and acting(and dressing) character with most core parts of The Doctor’s characteristics. Some of his quirks really shift a lot more than you would think, but it keeps it all fresh in my opinion.
At times, I feel that I am not human..

So how does this entertain the idea that your “transition” is anything like that?
(I only know of my own experience and what few stories others have shared of their own journey.)

Myself-35 years as a boy/male (give or take), had many different careers/roles:
Soldier, teacher, husband, father, mechanic, carpenter, clerk, guitarist in metal band, singer, college student…these did have different expressions of hair, clothing, cars, houses, etc.
Granted I was petty repressed in avoiding being myself, but my core was pretty consistent. I am: a nurturer, teacher, lover, musician, caregiver, poet, artist-and will always beI’ll cleverly avoid a fight, but a true warrior knows when to fight!
I too, have had some pretty colorful companions not unlike the Doctor at times..family, lovers, friends, animals.

Transition-its not a destination. No matter what anyone suggests, because life itself is a journey and not a destination. (Get over it and embrace it.) So during the beginning of this phase there is of course the wigs in lieu of the hair in process of growing out. Wardrobe? Adolescent, edgy, vampish, sex bomb, blonde bombshell, college co-ed, the Audrey Hepburn, cyber-goth industrial girl, punk rocker, post-apocalypse dyke. For me, the biggest part of change was the hormones that let my brain that “always knew/felt that I was a girl” for this entire time, could at least not hate the body my mind was born into. That body quickly changed and perhaps parts of my mind as well…

My memories at times are something that are very clear and are relevant to my daily activities and problem solving. However, there are times that Who something happened to in my past feels very much like another person. Swiss cheese memory as referred to in science fiction…

Music? I was a bass player and keyboard player up until I started exploring my gender expression by going out dressed. Guitar soon came after this period.
Parenting? Some argue that you are always a parent, but the interaction with my own children was limited to only the time I expressed as a boy. I haven’t been a parent as a woman. Not even to a puppy at this writing.
Tattoos? Well, I got my first during my time “in-flux” of deciding whether going out on the weekends and hating who I was or wasn’t. My ink collection snowballed and really started with “my first girl tattoo” to my most current one.
Family? There is a lot less blood relatives around, much as the First Doctor saying goodbye to Susan, but my extended family is tremendous and still growing. They have a stronger bond with me than I could have ever imagined.
Other things I have picked up since transitioning: learning Italian, cello, guitar with a deeper focus, writing, oh and of course more allergies. I am sure that I have my share of quirks too.

I lost my singing voice for the price that I paid and I am looking to find it or whatever voice this body chooses to resonate.

The journey through time-and space, occasionally gives glimpses of times in your life where you were really proud of your accomplishments and who you were at that individual moment. I feel its important to reflect into those journeys for strength, knowledge, and wisdom. Who you were isn’t always Who you are at the moment. But we all seem to be a collective of all our incarnations (good/bad, boy/girl, love/hate).

If you do find yourself having problems with your collective, or even evolving… perhaps you should call the Doctor?

Lexikat

(Gender shift  = transition = life is a journey for everyone regardless of cis or transgender)

Bathroom Privilege

Video

Zinnia Jones is a trans-advocate extraordinaire. I appreciate the message here: “Do not harrass me while I need to pee.” The mere presence of a transperson is not “harassing,” just like if someone was Muslim or Jewish, or Puerto Rican.
White privilege needs to grow the fuck up.

So What Kind of Guitarist Am I?

Believe it or not, Its not easy for me to find other musicians who can stand to perform together in either an informal or formal (paying venue) sense.

This is not an “I’m a victim” blog. Its a frustration blog unless we perfect cloning…so its more of an “empowerment blog.”

Female musicians typically have had no problem with me; male musicians have historically had some sort of “hang up” about my “gender status” . It often goes through the typical introduction (through correspondence); an exchange that follows learning about someone’s musical likes and dislikes and then they get around to their “tranny-stamp-of-disapproval” moment. I kind of hold guys to a higher standard after living 35 years socialized and indoctrinated as a boy. I know if there is a sudden disapproval moment where women are concerned, its right at the moment where they are concerned what other people think-no matter their initial “its about the music” and “its not about image” phase.
Or its some weird “sleep with you” moment.

Transsexual guitarist seeks band members to form a band.

So this means that the guitar itself was one gender, and someone either sawed something off, drilled a hole, or added something onto it? My ad simply said: I’m LGBTQ friendly and you should be too.

If I have mentioned that I’m not looking for a date, just musicians to jam with.  I am in a committed partnership with an ovarian cancer survivor.

Lesbian guitarist seeks band members to form a band.

Women even have had less sexual hangups in the dating world according to my experiences even. Its my preference and you really don’t have anything I want because my partner does an amazing job to fill my life.

Metal Guitarist Seeks Musicians Without Hang-ups

Perhaps the world isn’t ready for a guitarist who happens to be a transsexual woman, except the one from Against Me! named Laura Jane Grace. She was lucky to have the band, success, and then transition. I am sure I am oversimplifying her struggle, but just for the context of looking for musicians without a head full of “shit”, I’m a girl who just wants her opportunity to do more than play my amp in an apartment with my supportive partner as an audience. She is an amazing audience-has encouraged me along my way.

Metal-Rock Guitarist: Influences include Laura Jane Grace

I think I found my headline/tagline!

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Lexikat

Don’t Need Nuthin’ But a Good Time

Sure, I could ask the question: “What drives you?” or “What makes life worth the grind and participation for you?” but I’m not.

I am simply going to state a few things that encompass my drive and grind:

  • Hard work yields opportunities that are limited by funds.
  • Cutting distractions saves money. (“Groupon” sites, random catalogs, emails from retailers)
  • Pouring into focus what you really want out of life into long-term manageable goals.
  • Removing people (including blood relatives) that are toxic, abusive, abrasive, etc.
  • Accepting your means (current job), and evaluating the tools needed to go “the distance.”

You will hit some bumps along your grind. You will find distractions being a constant…
but its how you deal with them in general that will help you stay your course.

-Lexikat

Effortless Guitar Playing Through Better Living

So I had properly set up my new ESP LTD GL-200K, and the momentum forward is truly insane for even my standards.

Since I spent a while with the cello (although not properly schooled), I find guitar strings are effortless to bend and fret. My passion from that period has spilled over as things like Ástor Piazzolla‘s Libertangothe dance has not gone to my feet but to my fingers across the fretboard/dance floor. One-and-two-and-half-and-up-and-back as my fingers sweep in a stumble but moving towards fluid motion as I have progressed. (The demands of my hands have changed to a larger and thicker finger pick than I had always used too.)

I find the tango to be a stumble-a flirtatious dance that sometimes is off-beat driven, rather than parallel to the beat in its sometimes hurried and staggering expressions.

I would also like to say that there are times that I do not feel like I am the one playing-the sum of which is truly mio cuore-my heart that is speaking through this music.

Lucifer has been cited as the seed/driving force for music at times. Funny enough that Lucifer is referred to as “The Morning Star” which we know to be the planet Venus-whereas Venus/Aphrodite are nowhere near the mythological implications of Lucifer. 

Perhaps the muse is the spirits of long deceased musicians talking through my body when I am playing. Perhaps it is the combined genetics of my paternal and maternal line that course through my veins that refuse to let the musician have her sleep.

The balance of my womanhood may have plateau’ed to allow this to wash over and through me. 

 And it seems that the sales representatives at my local guitar retailer are keen to helping me and I am pleasantly surprised when they don’t bat an eye for my appearance (as times in the past had occurred at other stores).

Rock on!

Lexikat

Switch

Switch “switch” is which?

Sometimes we are expected to fill 2 roles or more with our daily lives. Not unlike being able to change as the situation changes. Switch can be on or off or any number of settings/variations.
My setting is 11!
But I probably only have a few different roles that ebb and flow with the situation.
As someone who socially strives to distance herself from “all things male” there are crossroads and conundrums that do circle back in doing what I must do to take a role. Dyke is NOT insulting to me and I consider it a complement anytime it’s been directed at me. I can fix a machine/car because I am a clever girl, not because my dad yelled at me. I’m just a clever girl!
I can carry a switch as necessary in defense and protection of my family, my charge, my coven.

Sometimes life is a “switch” where the roles with our intimate partner require flexibility. Some relationships/people are not flexible and thus those relationships evidently break without ever bending. I find that a dedicated partner, listening to her needs and applying open mind to relationships is the biggest tool I could take to the situation. Some roles have been filling even before one has applied a label to. Other roles are as natural as a fish in the water.

Now only if I can prove I was switched at birth, my mother can sue for malpractice!

Lexikat