March of Support & Show of Pride

Happy Pride!

So that time of year has come and gone in San Francisco once again. I’ll admit that this was the first Trans March I had walked in since moving here 4 years ago. It also was the first time someone has put themselves out in the public “officially” showing support of me.
(I’ve not had the fortune to have had a family member do such a thing, as I was pretty much shunned by blood and attacked, sometimes verbally, by the other.)

She, my girlfriend, stood (or rather sat in a wheelchair) with an intricately detailed sign. It was something that really showed the love and outpouring of support she has been willing to put into me.

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When she first showed it to me, it took a few moments for barriers to crumble down to the point of happy tears.
“Why has anyone ever taken this much investment into me?” was really apparent. Her outpouring and support does show in her pride in me, being who that I am, is something that doesn’t change.

Making the news was kind of cool. There were many people taking photos because of how “cute” or how “amazing” of a pairing/supportive couple we were. Photo link from SFGate.org The Chronicle. Photo by Craig Hudson.

The Trans March is a protest  march; it is for the open visibility of gender variant people, as well as a time to voice change, acceptance, support, and pride within this fraction of the queer community. There were a lot of people displaying support for Chelsea Manning among the march. Hand in hand were a few people displaying “proud parent of a trangendered child” signs and shirts. It was a really beautiful thing.

As we had planned to also do the Dyke March on the following day, exhaustion on both our behalves kept us from attending. (2+ mile parade route plus to and from the subway stations as well)

As for the “pride” of Pride, it hit me on a more personal level than I could have imagined before.

Happy Pride!

Lexikat

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Sometimes Life Can Remind You Why You Don’t Quit

For the first time in an age, I am completely happy with myself.
My struggles are my own and they seem to be the background noise to which has been the canvas to where I sling color and expression upon “in spite of” at times.

I don’t need someone else to make me happy. Historically, those have turned into that same situation driving me absolutely miserable. I was a willing participant, I will admit that!

But after your poignancy level has tapered off and your thoughts settle, life seems more enjoyable with an augmentation of joy, surpassed with happiness. Things are new again.

Happy times and inspiration as a “muse” to the artist need not be in constant supply. Moments of inspiration cause an avalanche effect cascading the creative process.
Little input yields mass output.

I can welcome this and know that I am better for not leaving San Francisco, not leaving my life, and not leaving me.
Because no matter where you go, there you are!

Lexikat

Link

San Francisco Isn’t Working Class Affordable.

I was in the news, yet again.  (2010)
In San Francisco, Rooms for $1,000/Month Are Now Scarce

There is some certainty about this place…
It has stagnant energy driven by fear that is reduced to complacency.
Single people stay single and don’t often invest in someone to grow with, people in dead end stale relationships seem to stay in those too. Failed marriages are some of the background noise that isn’t always visible at the surface because it all continues on.

BUT ALL OF THIS COMES PUSHING FORWARD, Like an angry crackhead full of garbage bags pushing through on the 71 Haight bus…
SAN FRANCISCO ONLY CHANGES WHEN IT IS INEVITABLE.
There is no other reason to grow a family, build an empire, invest in human beings unless that proverbial push is coming down the tube.
Sure I have a few friends, I’ve even dated.
People on tethers (life support), estranged spouse separated status, old money and or parental support, people under 25 making 6 figures without sweating 10 years for it-no body wants their umbilicus cut, or to leave the cave of illusions.
—————

I did the interview for this article a few weeks ago. I have had a few interviews, and the prospects of living in the East Bay are still that of subtracting the rent total what the transportation fee into San Francisco would affect it as a whole. I took that $900 per month place and am walking the extra distance to work. People that live in the rest of the country would hopefully ask “Why are you paying $900 a month and you aren’t really able afford to eat?” I would reply, if someone ever were to be so bold ask: “I ask myself that same question, and question my sanity at times.” Mostly because I grew up in the middle of the country somewhere between Cornfield, Iowa and Shigpit, Texas. Of course, they will under employ you if your trans in some of those places that will employ you.

I currently work full time above the elevated minimum wage here and its still maddening.

If there is no net gain in the long run, what is the point of investing anything in anything or anyone?
Why live with false hope at the current pace? This isn’t claiming victim status, that’s what it would be if it was this situation and I was unemployed. For people that quickly label people claiming to be a victim need to just look at their own lack of compassion to find their answers.

-Lexikat

How am I going to get a band going?

Its what “I ask myself” when I sit and mull over the internet posting on Soundcloud, Myspace, Bandmix, Facebook, Craigslist, Trans-genre, etc, etc.

Networking by word of mouth?
I ask employees of my regular music store about their bulletin boards. Their suggestions to just keep checking back or posting your own ad to reach your target audience.

I haven’t made a flyer to pin up on their wall yet. I feel that I haven’t come up with how to explain that I am a guitarist and they should ignore everything else about me that affects “their” shortcomings to do with my trans-dyke-edge of it all. Because it doesn’t matter to me but it really matters to them.

Transportation around the area is kind of hard at times to just go from point A to point B.
Leisurely driving out just to catch a band or try to interact with other musicians who aren’t expecting you is not a great option for the typical Bay area resident. Can I “make” a way to get out to gigs and practice? Yes. Strolling around to find something? Not effective and public transportation is lengthy-even more lengthy to a town you simply do not know.

I really miss the basic convenience of personal transportation on demand that most take for granted.

Emails seem to involve one inquiry, my reply and then nothing for a week if not ever. I generally perceive the electronic modern world to be something that communication goes a lot faster than what people aspire to. Does this also mean someone can go “Ew, a transsexual” a lot faster? Perhaps? but after the first one you just aren’t surprised at it and try to move past all other “delays” in the future. I believe that I am a guitarist first, and everything else second. I continue to maintain my optimism with the process. I really embrace the speed of communication being greatest available for a musician.

Style of music seems to really never come into consideration the few times I have corresponded with other musicians. I suppose my style is Modern Rock and Industrial by today’s standards, I find it great to see Neil Young covers by Type-O Negative. Old music becomes new somehow. There is hope for music yet! Steel Panther is a bit retro glam hair metal with the always-partying & womanizing schtick in a comedic sense, but the fact their music is comparable to vintage hair metal is cool.

Technology is one of the greatest tools to “fill-in” the place of everyone else in the band whom you cannot connect with. I will be gaining this advantage to write music later this spring, but music “in a vacuum” doesn’t breathe life of performing.

So “How am I going to get a band going?” seems to be the question that stays on the front burner.

Lexikat

Marriage of Society

So today was a historical event for queer rights in California. You can now (after the official word has been handed down) get married to your partner.
Did this invalidate heterosexual marriages already existing?
No.
Did it make a mockery of standing heterosexual marriages?
No, that had been happening since divorce, adultery, and domestic violence has been around.
“It wasn’t Adam and Steve…” says some who are quoting scripture, when in fact they ignore the infamous story about removing body parts from another man to grow a human being.
That is preposterous! (Gen 2:22)

Lexikat

Leaving the Box of Blonde Behind

It’s been scheduled, my appointment for color.
Bye-Bye Blonde.

But was it ever truly mine?

I was born a poor brunette child

I found my womanhood upon my 35th year of my natal birth. 2 years later, and after landing in The City, my first box of blonde was applied. Its results were redish-brassy. Sure, I had worked in a salon for 3 years, but that was a different life it seemed. The knowledge of the ages sometimes escapes me.

Red. Ginger-esque, Strawberry Blonde was what I called it.

Next came the services of a student in hair school. I was transformed to lavender-platinum blonde very quickly. It’s the famous shot from my Associated Press article capturing her talent. Her talent moved to apprenticeship after I helped her pass the state certification process. We fell out of communication and such.
So I went Back to the box!

So for about 3 years now, I have been very much blonde-in-waiting.
Waiting for what? Eh, who knows…

So after being blonde on the outside, I was socialized as a brunette and so I was never a true blonde, in the sense of always being the fair hair color and interacting the world in that manner.

This new decision, it seems, to be embracing my maturity. I have a partner now. Someone supporting your actions, enforcing your positive attributes, and being someone who depends on you-influence through love. She does the polish to my diamond exterior that had been marred and dulled by life.

I’ll follow-up once the task is complete.

Lexikat

You mean I’m a lesbian? Ok

(and that’s fine by all the parties involved)

So a while back, I had written a few things about the differences between the T and the LGBQ. (Lesbianism revisited)

Today, I am reflecting.

You might say “embracing.”

So when I walk down the street proudly with my partner, the world sees a lesbian.

Embracing?

Its ok to:

  • Wear less makeup
  • Go without a bra
  • Wear pants more often
  • Stroll with your partner in Berkeley

Really, its probably not embracing being the L in the BLT of the LGBTQ queer sandwich. Its about embracing having a partner who is of equal standing and footing.

I’ll embrace her just fine in public, as she does with me.
(There appears to be a larger East Bay population of lesbians than San Francisco proper)

So world,
Don’t judge a girl by her pants wearing or her supermodel-distinct bodily features…
or by her girlfriend.

Lexikat