Sometimes Life Can Remind You Why You Don’t Quit

For the first time in an age, I am completely happy with myself.
My struggles are my own and they seem to be the background noise to which has been the canvas to where I sling color and expression upon “in spite of” at times.

I don’t need someone else to make me happy. Historically, those have turned into that same situation driving me absolutely miserable. I was a willing participant, I will admit that!

But after your poignancy level has tapered off and your thoughts settle, life seems more enjoyable with an augmentation of joy, surpassed with happiness. Things are new again.

Happy times and inspiration as a “muse” to the artist need not be in constant supply. Moments of inspiration cause an avalanche effect cascading the creative process.
Little input yields mass output.

I can welcome this and know that I am better for not leaving San Francisco, not leaving my life, and not leaving me.
Because no matter where you go, there you are!



Effortless Guitar Playing Through Better Living

So I had properly set up my new ESP LTD GL-200K, and the momentum forward is truly insane for even my standards.

Since I spent a while with the cello (although not properly schooled), I find guitar strings are effortless to bend and fret. My passion from that period has spilled over as things like Ástor Piazzolla‘s Libertangothe dance has not gone to my feet but to my fingers across the fretboard/dance floor. One-and-two-and-half-and-up-and-back as my fingers sweep in a stumble but moving towards fluid motion as I have progressed. (The demands of my hands have changed to a larger and thicker finger pick than I had always used too.)

I find the tango to be a stumble-a flirtatious dance that sometimes is off-beat driven, rather than parallel to the beat in its sometimes hurried and staggering expressions.

I would also like to say that there are times that I do not feel like I am the one playing-the sum of which is truly mio cuore-my heart that is speaking through this music.

Lucifer has been cited as the seed/driving force for music at times. Funny enough that Lucifer is referred to as “The Morning Star” which we know to be the planet Venus-whereas Venus/Aphrodite are nowhere near the mythological implications of Lucifer. 

Perhaps the muse is the spirits of long deceased musicians talking through my body when I am playing. Perhaps it is the combined genetics of my paternal and maternal line that course through my veins that refuse to let the musician have her sleep.

The balance of my womanhood may have plateau’ed to allow this to wash over and through me. 

 And it seems that the sales representatives at my local guitar retailer are keen to helping me and I am pleasantly surprised when they don’t bat an eye for my appearance (as times in the past had occurred at other stores).

Rock on!


Death of my Light and Life

I wish my death to occur in a warm ocean:

  • The salt air filling my nose and taste buds to saturation,
  • My arms floating out-as my legs too relax.
  • My wonderful mind feeling the light pour out of it into the void-beyond…

like so many times before now.

The warm water will fill my senses with that of my birth-many times entering this world in a peaceful warmth and easing into being. My soul seems to be the perpetual arrow in flight not having once stopped but occasionally skipping years of prescience.

My body should breakdown in the natural process and fill the smallest organisms, the plankton, full of energy then in time will go through fish, filter feeders, or a whale if I am lucky. A Sei Whale would be appropriate as I once took Sei as my name in this current life that I can call my own.

Perhaps This time my hand touches water from Lethe to my lips..

Death is truly a beautiful thing; my death will be more beautiful than my life has been at times- A cacophony of light and matter not unlike the supernova in its exit.

Don’t worry, its just another beginning.


You mean I’m a lesbian? Ok

(and that’s fine by all the parties involved)

So a while back, I had written a few things about the differences between the T and the LGBQ. (Lesbianism revisited)

Today, I am reflecting.

You might say “embracing.”

So when I walk down the street proudly with my partner, the world sees a lesbian.


Its ok to:

  • Wear less makeup
  • Go without a bra
  • Wear pants more often
  • Stroll with your partner in Berkeley

Really, its probably not embracing being the L in the BLT of the LGBTQ queer sandwich. Its about embracing having a partner who is of equal standing and footing.

I’ll embrace her just fine in public, as she does with me.
(There appears to be a larger East Bay population of lesbians than San Francisco proper)

So world,
Don’t judge a girl by her pants wearing or her supermodel-distinct bodily features…
or by her girlfriend.


Definition of a “Keeper”

Telepath- noun- A friend whom senses your silent prayer for wine after a rough day at the office.
Keeper– noun- A friend whom always has a kind tone when making suggestions.


“Stages keep on changing, Stages rearranging love.”

(Lyric quote from ZZ Top)

Stage has been set, the actors cast.

What are you talking about now?

For my biggest part yet!

“All the world is a stage” and you’re merely a player?

I’m a Performer! and Portrayer!

Rush lyrics? So what stage is set?

The stage of my life where “potential” has been laid upon the altar.

You’re prayers were answered?

Pretty much. A prayer to The Goddess is also a prayer to the Goddess Within.

I don’t know how long any of us have, but I will say that eternity is a human concept and not a total number of years.

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Its nice to enjoy rain again…

I blogged a while back about the rain stopping for a little while.

And though the rain had stopped, I saw a clearing in which things came into focus; my world was shattered and such the way I view things are clearly different than before.

And so I will look upon the coming rain, from the safety and comfort of inside.
Through this window I will watch the rain dance amongst the streetlights, with the comfort and embrace with that I saw when the rain had ceased.