Gluten-free pain in the-you know what

As you may or may not know, I am noticeably allergic to gluten. Unfortunately, it took a couple of hours of sick time for me to discover this. Gluten is that oooie-gooey protein found primarily in wheat, and also in barley and rye. From the Latin word for glue.

I stopped eating gluten at recommendation of my partner. After some time free of gluten, I inadvertently added some back (I ate the wrong pizza). I learned that in small amounts, there’s hardly any effect. More then I have all the wrath of pain that my former gluten-inclusive diet.

People often say: “Oh you will be so healthy from stopping gluten consumption.”
“Yeah? Lies. The food cost twice as much so you only get to eat half the food you used to.” Its not like I am a flat-ironed bleach-blond from Los Angeles who is following some new “fad diet” with my tiny dog in purse.

One of the redeeming factors for this forced-medical-change has been “gluten-free” products on the market. Common sense says that if you avoid Bread-Beer-Pasta (PIZZA) then you are pretty safe. My inner Italian is filled with rage and tears over this. My bella di cucina has no outlet for the wonderful breads I used to make. My California transplant to only become snobby IPA connoisseur…well you get the point.

So these gluten-free products and substitutions had included Omission Beer and Vans Natural Foods. That is until I experienced excruciating pain from consuming more than one beer and more than one waffle. Omission’s web site does say: “Omission beer may contain gluten”. As far as the waffles, this morning’s trip to Whole Foods showed 2 different packages. One read: “Wheat Gluten Free,” while the other read: “Gluten Free.”  These were side by side and may have been the mixing of new and old stock.

I experienced the exact same pain as eating “known” gluten products. Scratch 2 more solutions off of my menu options.

I was a good girl and went to the doctor many months ago. She had them draw blood and sample everything else to determine what I do not have: Coeliac Disease.

Symptoms: abdominal pain, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting. I am sure the official list is much longer but I will stick with the basic unpleasant ones.

I have received no pain from known-gluten-free products like meat, fish, fruit, nuts, dairy products.  

If you continue to suffer from “gluten free” labeled products, please comment.