Reclaiming Reflecting Contemplation Completion

It’s an interesting space I find my mind and emotions in lately.
One could say that I was “on the verge of drowning in love” as it were.
One could say that.

I say things like, “I haven’t had the simple support and embrace from my world, outside of work, be willing, supportive, interested, and willing to develop nurturing and stronger friendships/bonds for this length of time in my life ever.”

Perhaps the accursed can have their hex broken, fates shattered, prison walls crumble from around their heart/soul/mind?

I believe so.
I also firmly believe that if something bad happened in my life, I’d still have an awesome partner & friends-that-are-family support network to my emotional and mental health-to the extent that I would hardly be scathed by the ordeal.

…….

I have started reclaiming some of my known heritage (rather than unknown and questionable) of my Danish blood in the form of language and cuisine. It’s actually helped me make a few friendships with people in lands as far away as Finland & Sweden to where I have found learning Swedish a bit easier due to similarities to Danish and German. Danish/Scandinavian Foods seem to help my digestive process of lowering glycemic indexes and making use of seasonal fruits and vegetables more so than any other cooking I have explored.

My guitar playing and seeking a band has stalled a bit, I believe that I will make a push for finding a band in 2015. Yes, it will have to be free of drama and something I can make some rockin’ tunes with.

As they say: “So many feels”

Skål!

LL

Butternut Squash Chocolate Soufflé

Amazing Chocolate Souffle Recipe.
Gluten free too.

The Leafy Pantry

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This dessert sounds so fancy, yet is so easy. Whenever you say the word “soufflé”, people get scared. Soufflés are an intimidating dessert to make because it is typically such an art to get the right consistency, the right cooking time and the right flavor. The beauty of this crowd-pleasing recipe is that not only does it contain very little fat and sugar, but it is virtually impossible to get it wrong. Your guests will never guess that you are also providing them with a full serving of vegetables through the hidden butternut squash. Save the secret ingredient reveal for the end!

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Ingredients:

1 cup pureed cooked butternut squash

2 eggs yolks

2 tablespoons cornstarch

a pinch of salt

1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 tablespoon coconut sugar

a pinch of stevia (optional)

1 cup dark chocolate, melted

4 egg whites

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425°. In a medium mixing bowl…

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The Little Prince inside us all

For the first time in my life, I am reading  Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. The book is popularly known by its English title “The Little Prince“.
True, that it is a children’s book. I had seen a movie of it once, even a stage production back in ’80 as well.

The themes I find nearing the end is that adults tend to be wrapped in an absurdity of stoic logic and as such are the most illogical when it comes down to enjoying the beauty of the most common or simple pleasures in life. As we mature, we could keep some of this curiosity and care without so quickly rejecting it.

The story of the rose hit me pretty heavy. I did find much water leaking from my eyes for a couple of minutes because of the fine personification that the author leads the character’s place among her intricacies.

I find that the people among the journey like the king, the tippler, the businessman-all seem like parts we could have been at some point.

There isn’t a single question that the Little Prince lets go of until he receives an answer to.

Perhaps his biggest redeeming factor is that his curiosity is persistant-things that adults forget about.

Its a book I think most people, like myself, may have missed.

-Lexikat

Information Overload

I s’pose my ability to study (and study the refinements of grammar) of 4 languages simultaneously is one of the skills of my rapid-fire sequence brain. Having studied Spanish in college and still using it almost daily, Its helpful to strengthen basics. The Italian that came to be a language that I could also think in needs refining into something other than speaking the local tongue. German is new and I love it. French is the language of my girlfriend and so its always something I can find a better way to share experiences with her. How does one work on a little bit here and a little bit there? A website and app called Duolingo. Its fun that you can also connect to other friends and monitor each others’ progress.

Too, I am an artist. Expression comes naturally as breathing. Some expression is productive; at other times its emotive. Poetry, song, chords, scales, lyrics, and even a few drawings scrawled across pages or margins can flow like a river. This river swells to near-floodlike conditions, torrents and currents flow in rapid succession. There have been droughts, where the flow would just qualify being called a “flow”.

Some of my best attributes do make conversing with other “humans” difficult. Communication is clear, but gets impeded by differing communication style.

I need to learn to listen?

Not exactly.

This is where I say an analogy to cars/driving:
In racing, a governor is often an item that restricts the flow of fuel & air into an engine thereby limiting the production of power to the rear wheels, also known as SPEED.

Sounds good for cars, for people not so much.

Finding a happy medium of properly expressing thoughts & ideas without “restricting” content or sincerity and honesty is the tricky part, or slippery slope.

I’m really racking my brain for opportunities. Therapists that could really do some progress on this “skill of mine” would be few and far between, but not completely ruled out. A group of friends that hung out with to chat about deeper shit (listening to my rant and developing criticism and/or evaluation because or indifference to it) would be cool.
Car reference: A group of friends to pop a beer and wrench on an old Camaro and talk about each other’s lives would be a nice format.

As with anything, the cost of drinking and playing pool, therapy, buying a Camaro and parts and the place to rent garage space…..
all becomes a factor.

In finding a solution, I must try.
Then I must continue to try.
I’ll have to continue to try with the many setbacks that will inevitably occur from “the process”.

Life isn’t easy, once you get past the big parts, you cannot fall into the pitfall of small obstacle quagmire of progress.

-Lexikat

Growing In Love

About “falling” in love:
If you are really growing as a person,
growing as a couple through positive discussion & finding boundaries,
growing to learn to anticipate needs,
growing fond of their participation in your world,
growing trust and mutual security in their presence,
growing is movement against the static forces of the world,
growing content with the idea that “your life is good”
and they help make it awesome…that they aren’t just some craving at a food party or impulse buy at a store.

Can’t we just call it: “Growing In Love” instead?

“Watch for falling objects” inevitably leads to the moment of impact.
Falling from grace,
Falling from a building..SPLAT!

(Somebody would have to scrape the sidewalk)

Growing in Love” is good.

Lexikat

Wind of Silence Without Anxiety

Luft
(German)
Vent
(French)

Both mean simply Air-or wind.

My new trial of being a Girlfriend to an amazing potential partner did seem to come to a mutual agreement of letting the natural space of sound intrude and embracing the background information. Why? Sometimes you just have to be able to get to sleep, or wind down, or settle in. Lower your anxiety without stirring the situation more.

“Shut up”, or “silence” or even “shhhhhh” are abrupt and generally tend to not be so kind. You really want to defer to being kind to someone you potentially see in long-term plans.

Why this approach?
She is a professional therapist. Not in the “doesn’t it drive you crazy that your girlfriend is always analyzing you?” sense. More to the sense of “There is some strong intellectual, spiritual, and emotional basis for trying harder and in a more effective manner than in either of our pasts.”

So basically, if you’d like a non-awkward silence but merely a breather or pause with your partner…
consider a mutual word of silence to invoke that applies to both of you.
You might enjoy the sound of the wind with each other.

Lexikat

Disclaimer: this person is not my therapist nor was my therapist. This technique may or may not be some professional tool or area of study by persons within the mental health career field.

Disclaimer: I am happy and she is too.

Love Yourself- And Your Ass Will Follow

(Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow  is an old saying that once you change something then perhaps everything else can fall into place. )

You really cannot be open to loving someone or them loving you properly until you love yourself.
This could be resolving unfinished business in your own life from but not limited to:
Gender transition
Divorce
Death / loss of a loved one
Financial devastation/unemployment
Illness / Rehabilitation
Incarceration
Geographical move
Career Change

 

Your capacity for love of yourself (self love), not letting yourself slip down in priority, is paramount to functioning as a healthy person. Nobody will fix you, and nobody will complete you.
If you count on someone else to complete you or someone else to “do everything for at the expense/neglect of yourself” it will come crashing down.

And so I had learned to really embrace and love me for me earlier this year.
This does mean as an independent (rather than dependant or co-dependent) person, I am emotionally and mentally equipped to face the challenges and adversity that life throws at me (or you).
–leaving me (or you) open for proper reciprocation from someone of independent and self-loving self.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t self-sacrifice certain things, but do those strategically and with forethought . To just give up your sense of self because you “love someone” really isn’t flattering for you or them in the long-term sense. Never be willing to negotiate or give up your own identity either! Don’t do it!!

It is perfectly fine, in my humbled opinion, that you “take a bullet” saving someone you care about. (or automobile accident avoidance, etc., etc.) Be open to consciously making the effort rather than martyr-esque sense of action. Nobody will morn your loss if you are a jerk to save/help someone avoiding discomfort. And this includes “SPENDING EVERY PENNY YOU OWN TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY” because such is terrible in action. Please tack “putting on pedestal above own self/needs” as something that a self-loving independent person should do.

Besides, if you find your partner in such endeavors to want everything of yours and your self-identity…
leave the way you came in, and quickly.

Now smile. Some nice independent person might see you!!
Lexikat