4 Elemental Forces of My Day

  • FIRE:

The burning fires of the sun awaken my senses. Illumination creeping in through the blinds  (blocked from my partner because of her sleep mask), stirs my slumber long before my alarm goes off. The alarm merely confirms that my senses are correct in starting my day-any and everyday I live. The crackling and sizzling of food in the pan-electric or gas (fire), do liven your senses into breakfast (breaking one’s fast) into being; cold cereal (Panda Puffs) not so much.

  • AIR:

True, my altar has the air/wind element of an owl feather I found on the 3-mile walk when I first visited the Golden Gate Bridge, I am reminded almost daily of the wind that carries me as a airborne vessel…

Not often is there a calm to be found outside my home. A swirling is present on my street when I first leave the door. Often too, the walkway is littered with feathers of easily recognized bird species. The closer I walk towards the subway (20 minutes away) the wind gains momentum along the route. I am also moving in the direction of the Bay. Once in The City, I am greeted with a blast of colder (and much denser, moist air) wall of wind. i scurry another 10 minutes from the subway to my building.

  •  EARTH:

Upon arriving to my job during the week, I pile my purse, backpack, lunch sack, coat, blazer, onto my workstation. (During the weekend, I read, write, research from the couch. The wind greets me when I leave for errands or walking the dog.) I feel my senses regaining lots bits from the sardine-can feeling from the subway. I sit and focus in a grounded sense of “planning my day” ahead. This moment of projection from a grounded sense does project the overall mood and productivity of my day.

As an “earth sign”, I find that this era of my life is most grounded but also most balanced in contrast to my youth. The years of restlessness and wandering have settled to sensibility and substance.

  • WATER:

At the end of my days, I am sitting to enjoy the smells and swirling sensations of social meals (in contrast of simply “eating”) with my partner, my love. Food, beverage, wine flow across the palate. When I finally find the activity of merging the activity of my partner’s day with mine, and the television has been tuned off…I wait for the tides of sleep to flow over me, and drift me with the current to the journey of sleep. Sleep is not a destination! Sleep is a journey down the river of the flowing life-a crossing of an ocean.

And thus I’ve felt the 4 elements in every day of my experiences. I have discovered that there’s never a day that it doesn’t happen.

What routines in your day happen most often?

If you are Pagan/Wiccan, what of the 4 elements do you feel in your lives?



Red-eared Slider of My Youth

Today at work, a random stuffed animal shows up. It’s a stuffed/varnished turtle. I enthusiastically ask to research but I already know what it is from my youth: a Red-eared Slider Water Turtle!

Because of growing up in the rural parts of this country, I caught lots of “critters”: snakes, frogs, toads, salamanders, lizards, tortoises, turtles, fish, tadpoles, crickets, grasshoppers, etc. I had been doing this since about age 3.

Its one of the few escapes I had, and I could avoid the yelling of my biological father. I’d sometimes do things with my other siblings, mostly my younger sister: climbing trees, building forts, picking black berries, picking flowers, running through the corn fields.

I haven’t seen my younger sister in more than 10 years. She lives in LA and has a car, so I hope she’d visit. It kills me sometimes that I hadn’t seen her in so long. Perhaps sometime before time weighs heavy we can visit each other?

The fruits and berries I picked were definitely “safe” as they were kinds I had helped my mother pick, but they were also safe according to our Collier Encyclopedia set. That encyclopedia set was the most useful thing about not having the internet invented yet. I could research any of the animals I caught. I avoided many poisonous snakes because of it. I had a library card since age 4 too!

In the city, there are squirrels and raccoons for wildlife. No frogs, no turtles, no salamanders (my favorite), no toads, no creeks with tadpoles to catch either. It seems that age has removed all feral life from my surroundings. How the hell did this happen?!?

This land is barren. For all the income I make, there isn’t “life” here. Am I that old? Can’t be.

My baby sister also had a pet slider. His bowl was on the table and when swatting house flies, one could offer the tribute to his hungry mouth. I think he wandered near the house after a rainfall.

My friend and I watch the show “Naked & Afraid” lately. So many skills that people lack, I possess. We talk about skills and knowledge. She compliments with enthusiasm and surprise when I share about the things learned in my youth and the military. Her and I could do this “in theory” because I happen to be a diabetic, there wouldn’t be days and days without eating. I would simply be dead.

She asks:  “How do you catch a snake?” I reply: “Throw some clothing on top of it or take a stick and pin its head.” We laugh too as the man on the island is afraid of snakes and caimans and the woman doesn’t mind doing most of the work. My vegetarian partner knows the value of food when you are living in the wild. I’d be tempted to eat it without cooking it given my potential hunger. We understand if you kill it, you eat it-its not raised in a hellish torture factory farm for consumers.

It’s funny that the turtle came in the morning after this show. It’s funny too that so much of what I know about the wild, I learned from books by myself,

 as a child.



Stealth is something that transsexuals face during their transitions. This was a well-drafted piece on the topic.

Clare Flourish

Some transsexual people never get “read” as transsexual. This is known as “Stealth”.

Stealth is a particularly poisonous version of the Beauty Myth, that beautiful people are better, and we should all strive to be beautiful- and our beauty is never enough. If “she looks like a man” is a particularly hurtful insult, how much more hurtful when I actually do. A bit. Not everyone reads me, but most people do, fairly quickly. Few comment on it: just as on meeting someone you do not comment on the purple birthmark half-covering her face, so people don’t usually say, “So you’re a tranny, then?”

Some people do not get read. One friend achieved stealth by changing job, city and friends when she transitioned. She retained one friend from Before, apart from her contacts in the “trans community”. She has a perfect right to get on with her life, and no…

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Buffet of Choices

For the criminally insane (and maybe a few others) who try to follow this blog, today’s subject is about being a girl who gets her choices. I choose strength.

What I am talking about is that I can choose to overdose on pink rather than accept being given only that as a choice. I can choose to wear PANTS, rather than adhering to what society suggests ladies should wear.

I’ll rock a skirt when I want to and it WILL rock.

A lot of my muscle mass went away-so much that I had flappy skin on the back of my arms when I waved. Over time those  subsided but they were evidence of skeletal muscle loss.

My misguided point is narrowing to the fact that, yes I am 41. My body cannot continue to atrophy at that rate. So I am starting on small weights. Making repetitions with be most beneficial, and then I want to add some strength.
Competitively? No. I was inspired by Chris Tina Bruce‘s story. Her attitude more than anything was influential to the fact I really have one person to please: myself. 1 person or 10 people can have angst towards me for being tattooed, transsexual, or any reason.

Rather than avoiding confrontation and negative approval, why not do something that is actually pleasing to me.

I am inspired more this last year over the almost daily feminist struggle that continues. I can take part in doing what portrays ladies in a non-stereotypical role and enjoy living with the freedom of choice.

I figure within the next few years, I will benefit from letting my body turn completely to much, but I am finding the strength to be useful to my direction, for now.

Maybe I would like to be a stronger girl for my own purpose, protection and power?

Later stalker(s)~



Switch “switch” is which?

Sometimes we are expected to fill 2 roles or more with our daily lives. Not unlike being able to change as the situation changes. Switch can be on or off or any number of settings/variations.
My setting is 11!
But I probably only have a few different roles that ebb and flow with the situation.
As someone who socially strives to distance herself from “all things male” there are crossroads and conundrums that do circle back in doing what I must do to take a role. Dyke is NOT insulting to me and I consider it a complement anytime it’s been directed at me. I can fix a machine/car because I am a clever girl, not because my dad yelled at me. I’m just a clever girl!
I can carry a switch as necessary in defense and protection of my family, my charge, my coven.

Sometimes life is a “switch” where the roles with our intimate partner require flexibility. Some relationships/people are not flexible and thus those relationships evidently break without ever bending. I find that a dedicated partner, listening to her needs and applying open mind to relationships is the biggest tool I could take to the situation. Some roles have been filling even before one has applied a label to. Other roles are as natural as a fish in the water.

Now only if I can prove I was switched at birth, my mother can sue for malpractice!