Leaving Your Baggage at the Door-Pierced Edition

Greetings to the chirping crickets!

Recently I wrote to the mass wall of wailing white noise about leaving box of blonde behind, but  prior to that I left something much deeper I had been clutching on to: my metal trinkets of lost and failed lovers.

Each crushing blow, setback, or speed bump that had effected me from the break-up, I went out and got a piercing to feel better about it. Yes they were all “visible piercings”, but that was the anti-beauty about it: I could see them now.

Sure we are preached not to depend on others, or that being single is the best thing since sliced bread…BUT my recent found love, I saw the world through her eyes on many things…

I saw San Francisco through her perspective. The band Journey would also take a different meaning, even though I have  a different perspective myself. Some of the simplest things of the Bay Area I saw through her beautiful brown eyes. But then I could see things differently without her, but by her…

I was brushing my teeth or combing my hair in front of the mirror and it struck me: I had a collection of hate, heartache, angst collected on my very face of femme beauty. I choked at the realization: I had been holding on to hate with a much tighter grip than I would have known.

I wasn’t my piercings, but my piercings had become ME: full of bitterness, resentment, antisocial behavior-I was quicker than my birth father to voice criticism too it seemed.

But….

I kept one. The one piercing I got to celebrate making 40. It was my nose piercing.
I am proud to make 40.
I made it on my own, and its not an angsty thing for me.

Well, at least most days. ❤

Lexikat

(Ok chirping crickets, chew on that)

How do you assist someone who might not ask for help?

I am perplexed.

The root meaning of my name is Greek for “helper”, and it is infected in my heart, soul, and mind to assist ones I love.

  • Do you “sit on your hands” until the problem goes away or fixes itself?
  • Do you “take a pile of money, placed under the problem; set it ablaze” until the problem goes away?
  • Do you run in the 180 degree opposite angle to the problem in a hasty fashion?

Then you have to ask:

  • Are you the type of person with a conscious?
  • Can you sleep at night based on your actions?
  • Do you feel that would help your own problems?

Sigh~

But you cannot force someone to tell you about their problems, and in the end you can figure moving on and spending more time with responsive people.

Thank you

Lexikat

Re-inventing The Wheel

So I am 40 (something). Grumbles answer under breath

I want to be taken serious in my career and my appearance. I took all my piercings out recently except one-my “I made it to 40” nose piercing.

The others were collected like this: “I just broke up with fill-in-a-name and I feel like a piercing to just feel better…” I could look at my body and see the trail of broken hearts, blood & entrails and destruction by merely counting the facial/ear piercings.

Accepting help from others in this goal hasn’t always been easy: My look/way of life was something I had to fight for/collect on my own. I was proud of my accomplishments in my “design.” So I was hard pressed to release control when approached by my partner about this manner. After some calming down and approaching with different method, a dialog was open for us about this sensitive subject.

My hair color has been corrected, and I am no longer blonde. After deconstructing and removing (or inhabiting my proper) gender markers, I am comfortable with pants, shorter hair, etc.

Fear.
The biggest thing that holds me and surely others back is fear. Not completely paralyzing but a direct force of influence, like drag is to flight.

Fear of flying?
Fear of dying?
Fear of dying while trying?

Who me?

Surely.

My role model? I don’t have any that come to mind that were blood relatives. The girls in the fashion magazines are like a decade (COUGH) or so younger than me. Heck, they aren’t even creative with their expression. Lesbian, queer, etc.

I had a great manager from a store I worked with that is a little younger than me. She has tattoos and a great fashion sense.

Imitate greatness?
Fake it until you make it?
Copy until you’re original?

Pretty much.

I figure all my blazers can stay. Pants can stay. Its indecent to go around without wearing any pants. HAHAHAHA!

Seriously, What kind of tops say “I’m not so flat chested but womanly?”  (Without comments/replies these become dank, dark, rhetorical questions)

I can keep a few mod/mini dresses that are above the knee. I ‘d love to find skirts for work that are just hitting the kneecap and ones just lower than mid-calf for casual wear.

Just don’t get me started on shoes! I swear my mother accidentally was impregnated by a duck based on my foot width. Sure the industrial exotic dancer shoes fit my arch, but they are hardly practical.

So (crickets chirping), What do you suggest for Ideas?

Grazie!
Lexikat