5 years! I am now a “5 year-old girl” for the most part.
My born date was originally around March 15th (I later made it my official one.) It was approximately 6 months after I had moved back to where my biological family lived. October 2007, I had told myself in clear understanding: “6 months from now, I will either be content being a part-time girl, banish it completely, or live life completely as the girl I have always been.”
5 years? Seems like a short time? I am 41 now. It is now 4 1/2 years past the day that bastard that tried to kill me. By bastard, I mean my biological older brother (taller and bigger if we must paint the picture properly). He attacked me and proceeded to beat and choke me back to being his brother. Fortunately, in spite of the 4 onlooking people (niece, sister-in-law, nephews) I called the police myself with one hand. I keep that beautiful red Motorola Razor to this day because it helped save my life. I fought back during the struggle as much as I could. His taunting and repeating words of “I love you.” were very disarming, even when mixed in with “You’re my brother…you’re not a guitarist, you’re a bass player….don’t cut your dick off…”
Court process was long, tiresome, and crazy. I persisted and will share my plea hearing and trial dismissal in a future blog.
In the last 5 years, I have survived:
Being taken advantage of financially because of desperation.
Dating both men and women who revealed to be less that respectable to my person.
Living in my 1986 Camaro (2009) and continuing to show up to work ready and on time.
Living in a homeless shelter with people coming down of hard drugs and violent fits.
Being grabbed when I first moved into San Francisco about 5 times in 6 months (2010).
Numerous allergies to medicines and foods.
Being rejected by more biological family than being openly supported by.
Being embraced by wonderful people that amaze me with their love and friendship.
“If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger!” Right? No, not exactly.
I am in fact stronger because I surpassed all the weak, malicious, crazy people. I “left the farm” for the big city and much better life. I have a bullshit filter that goes off pretty early or I simply don’t have much interaction with people so that time itself will weed the weak away from my life.
My life might be a little quiet and lacking some continuity because of my resistance to their unkindness (to say the least), but I love myself. I love the people who show up in my life every day.
I love the people who have done nothing but show love towards me.
So, happy birthday little 5 year-old inside me. You’ve earned it!