My Mother: The Only One I Will Ever Have

Nation’s birthday and what not, as I hear the still present noises from drunks & Chinatown (Chinatown’s drunks too I suspect), my thoughts drift back a few hours.
Today I was fortunate to get through to my mother after a week’s worth of phone tag (phonentag if you’re German). My mother’s husband had major surgery yesterday, and I wanted to show support an kindness to someone in her position, relative to mine as well.
After our exchange about Ed’s procedure, we got to just talk to about each other-her overwhelming community support & my recent tending to Axel and new musical path on the cello.
I commented on how I now truly appreciate her contribution of having had classical music in the house for our ears growing up. I then realized that her lack of participation was most likely a thing of her generation-especially her nurturing towards her “real” daughters at the time. She probably would have faced most severe criticism and negative reprecussions from my father and her parents had she treated me differently growing up.
I guess I feel, for doing the “best she could” was better than most girls in my situation. She didn’t disown me, and we talk more openly than ever before. We do worship different beings, her being Christian actually in the sense of being less judgmental than the average one these days. My slightly religious intolerant nature has been altered a bit from the conversation today as well.
I wrote this entire blog post crying. I feel more a kinship with my mother than ever before. I am unlike her And alike her. I’ve only recently realized now that I do love my mother, and the fact I was able to grow into my womanhood today. Not because of what she didn’t do growing up, but what she did do. I’m sad that a long distance now separates us in my new revelation.
Better late than ever? I’m not going to be lacking communication now. I don’t have as many years as I’d like but would like the years I have to love my Mother.


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