Finding Your Goddess Path In The Dark

Sometimes we need no guidance from others. We also rely too much on our eyes, and ears to guide us along any route or journey.Today my journey stumbled on to an interesting set of coincidences.

My name is Alexie Ekaterina. I go by Lexie. I did find out early on after choosing the name, that Ekaterina (after figure skater also born in 1971, Ekaterina Gordeeva) is a variation of Hecate, the Greek goddess of magic. But my first name, Alexie, was taken in remembrance of the first human being to step foot in space, Alexei Leonov. Alexie is Greek in origin, gender neutral, basically means helper of mankind.

My lovely owl tattoo perched on my shoulder is Athene noctura, or the Little Owl of Athena (Minerva). “Mi civetta di Minerva” -or- “Gufo di Minerva” are usually who I refer to him as. My owl brought  a reason to study up to see the companion and messenger theme. Owls can bring news, omen, fortune. The Hindi goddess of fortune, beauty, prosperity is Lakshmi. Often it is said she can travel with (or on) the owl.

I was born a Friday, or venerdì in Italian: Venus day. I am born as Venus (Aphrodite) in such as “Cronus cut off Uranus’ genitals and threw them into the sea. Rising through the bubbles and foam on a scallop (or clam) shell was this maiden of beauty.”

So where & how did today get weird? Well, apparently Lakshmi is a variation of Laxmi, or Lexi(e). I picked the owl because I adore owls and find them to be familiar to me. Right?!?

Strangely enough, I named my dragon tattoo Leviathan, after the snake worship under the goddess Isis/Hathor/Ishtar of the Mediterranean region. 2012 is the year of the dragon by the Chinese calendar. It is also (recently discovered by me) the year of the “water” dragon. Leviathan is often the Biblical reference to as a beast of the sea. I didn’t know it was the year of the water dragon. Heck, I only discovered 6 years ago that I was a “metal” piglet on the Chinese calendar.

Enough rantings.My points are all just that its really odd that once something has happened and there is a correlation of ideas and such “after the fact”.

(I mean, it got really weird when I discovered that I was born on a blue moon at the end of the year in a blizzard.)



Sometimes You Have To Bleed For Your Music

The following is something that because I am either dumb or passionate happened tonight….. (enjoy your reading)

So I got a nasty cut from a cutting board/tin can/paper (pick one) at work earlier today. That alone should have meant that my cello (named Lucien), would not be getting played until I didn’t have a fresh parallel cut on my left middle finger. Letting things mend a bit is the most sensible and pain free (or pain minimal) route to take. Right?

I ate dinner and got settled into listening to music. I am both a muse and influenced by muses and musings. Naturally my blood started moving in my veins. Really pumping and such that music makes my soul do… and I HAD to do some playing around on the cello.

Dokken‘s “Don’t Close Your Eyes” comes on in the play list this evening and so I take Lucien down from off his sleeping spot on the wall, “hook it up.”

(George Lynch of Dokken was a big influence on my guitar playing because of the kinds of sounds he got out of his fingers when playing like harmonics, pinch harmonics, mutes, tapping, bending, vibrato, etc. I love George’s playing and always will)

After getting the general feel for the song and the key notes, the solo starts and so I just run my finger up the fingerboard. Zippppppp….OUCH! (Dumb. Pain. Throbbing, F**K!)

Realizing that seriously I ignored the fact my finger was cut and started in the first place, I am really kicking myself inside…But wait? Its hardly worth stopping that long over.

“Give Me All Your Lovin'” by ZZ Top comes on. Love the work of Billy Gibbons and such. Here I go back for round 2. Ding! Deep Throbbing Monstrous Pain. Mamma Minerva! Tears….holy hell….

Is it passion or stupidity? Can’t be stupidity.

The facts are that:

1. There wasn’t a girl I was trying to impress.

2. Nor was any alcohol involved.

3. I was by myself, with just my thoughts.

I have been playing guitar, bass guitar, since 1989 and have never cut or sliced and/or bled across or into the strings, EVER! Odd if I do think of it. ???

Do I want something so bad that I would bleed for it? Yes.

My Mother: The Only One I Will Ever Have

Nation’s birthday and what not, as I hear the still present noises from drunks & Chinatown (Chinatown’s drunks too I suspect), my thoughts drift back a few hours.
Today I was fortunate to get through to my mother after a week’s worth of phone tag (phonentag if you’re German). My mother’s husband had major surgery yesterday, and I wanted to show support an kindness to someone in her position, relative to mine as well.
After our exchange about Ed’s procedure, we got to just talk to about each other-her overwhelming community support & my recent tending to Axel and new musical path on the cello.
I commented on how I now truly appreciate her contribution of having had classical music in the house for our ears growing up. I then realized that her lack of participation was most likely a thing of her generation-especially her nurturing towards her “real” daughters at the time. She probably would have faced most severe criticism and negative reprecussions from my father and her parents had she treated me differently growing up.
I guess I feel, for doing the “best she could” was better than most girls in my situation. She didn’t disown me, and we talk more openly than ever before. We do worship different beings, her being Christian actually in the sense of being less judgmental than the average one these days. My slightly religious intolerant nature has been altered a bit from the conversation today as well.
I wrote this entire blog post crying. I feel more a kinship with my mother than ever before. I am unlike her And alike her. I’ve only recently realized now that I do love my mother, and the fact I was able to grow into my womanhood today. Not because of what she didn’t do growing up, but what she did do. I’m sad that a long distance now separates us in my new revelation.
Better late than ever? I’m not going to be lacking communication now. I don’t have as many years as I’d like but would like the years I have to love my Mother.


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