Well, I am most certainly trying.
For the first time in this life, I can actually feel something physically click into listening mode. Perhaps I finally found something that recalibrated my programing-years of not being heard, years of lying to the world of who I wasn’t, years of not having my authentic voice…
This stage, and all that follow, really demand this change to continue to grow.
My last relationship was someone who was criticizing me for everything: how I put on my makeup, cutting my own hair, how I talked, dressed, etc.
My ears turned off to listening to her. Even before we reached the “shut the fuck up” stage, I was done.
This one time she blew up in a fit-of-rage in a restaurant…
There was some Greek writing on the menus, as Greek restaurants sometimes have. I simply said “Its really cool the similarities of Greek and Russian Cyrillic alphabets.” “Russian and Greek are NOT the same!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. “You think you know everything. You never listen to anything I say!” and she stomped out of the restaurant and started walking home. It was really odd sitting there with her parents who were about to start eating as our adorable Ellen Page look-alike waitress brought our meals out. The important thing is that I didn’t run after her. She stopped listening to me months before this, so why bother?
That period of my life didn’t necessitate critical listening to “save the relationship,” but it did indicate at that moment something would have to change for my future.
I currently am dating an amazing lady who listens to people all day long as her career demands it. She has really given me a little motivation to being able to listen, steer away from my long winded monologues, and keeping the conversation as drawing out what is inside-the most helpful thing in a relationship-and even something in knowing who your friends are FINALLY!!
Tuning your ears to another human being will tell you who should remain in your life, and will quickly tell you who needs to leave.